I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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