break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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