you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
this will be a night to untag.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
