He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
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your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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