Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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