i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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