she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
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I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
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We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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