You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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