it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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