end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
