I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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