that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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