she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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