i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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