I want to walk on stilts...naked
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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