I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
