How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
