She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
