Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
