I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
