she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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