Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
