Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
