My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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