Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
