would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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