i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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