i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
