Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
