my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
