So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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