I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
