11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
