oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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