I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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