The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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