In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
