Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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