my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
