Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
