o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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