I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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