I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
