Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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