Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
