I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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