can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
