I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
