Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You ruined the universe
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
