Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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