I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
