Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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