How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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