I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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