pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
