Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
