he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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