God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
