So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
