there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
