We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
