She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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