I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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