i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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