I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
dude. I can hear the air.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
