I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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