omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
