Barsexuality is the new black.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
