Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
